"He was never suppose to mean this much to me, he was just some boy that I accidentally loved and I couldn't stop since then."
That was my diary entry a few years ago. It's still him, by the way.
To him:
Listen, just listen.
Life is a so called journey of unexpected and unfair and sometimes wonderful events.
There is no in between, no grey, no bittersweet, just these moments, these precise moments.
And right now life is unfair to you and I get that. And although life is filled with unfair moments
-and you'll get your fair share of those- you have to understand that what people tell you about life being short and all those wonderful moments being rare is absolute bullshit.
Life is not short, life is the longest thing you will ever experience, there is just too much to do and no one ever really starts on time.
And maybe it's the period for unfairness and unkindness and unhappiness, it's the same time for me too. And although I know you won't kill yourself, I dont just want you to have that mentality, that like I don't want you to stay because you feel like you owe me that or something.
I want you to stay because there is still so much to come, I mean you're sixteen, sixteen, do you know how young that is? I know people who are 96 years old.
That is an 80 year difference.
That is a long way from you, so long away.
Now think of it this way, that is roughly 76 years of sleeping next to the love of your life and waking up right as the sun is peeking out of heaven and seeing them drool and pulling them closer and to watch them make breakfast for you and make a mess of it and getting random phone calls from them and surprise lunches with them at work with your favorite pastries even though it's not morning anymore. That is 76 more years of kisses and seeing them walk into a room that when you were 15 and you saw them walk into a room you thought your heart would beat out of your chest and into theirs but that doesn't happen anymore. Instead the air is lighter and calmer and so much easier to breathe when they are around. And they feel more like home than your mothers womb ever did and they're yours. They're all yours and you get 76 more years with them and maybe more if you're lucky.
And the kisses, you get a kiss for each occasion.
The "let me kiss you one more time before you go" kiss and the "god, you're all I've ever wanted" kiss and the "before you go to sleep" kiss and the "because you're so kind to animals" kiss.
And the "kiss me one last time before you go" kiss and the "I'm so glad I'm with you and not with someone else" kiss.
There's quick kisses in the aisles of the grocery store, when it's loud and you gravitate together, when instead of having your own personal space and their own personal space, it's both of yours together and you step into their chest to take up less area together.
There are so many things to look forward to.
Big things, the birth of your children.
Small things, car rides together in comfortable silence.
But there is always us to look forward to.
Always.
Love,
Srjs
11:30 p.m.
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